The First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America
states that freedom of lifestyle choice be not infringed upon by the Federal
Government. Polyamory is a choice of lifestyle. People should be free to live
how they want. If it is not hurting other people, then why does it matter so
much to people not in the relationship?
To start to understand what polyamory is, an understanding of the word
and definition should be noted. The word poly, in Greek, means several. The
word amour, in Latin, means love. Therefore, the word polyamory means to love
several people at once. “Polyamory can be defined as the practice of having
loving, intimate relationships with more than one person at a time, within an
ethical, consensual, agreement-based context. Poly” differs from
“swinging”. In swinging the emphasis is
on couples engaging in recreational sex with others in a party atmosphere. Polyamory is primarily a relationship
oriented approach to non-monogamy rather than a casual-sex oriented approach. Polyamory can take a variety of forms, all
adaptable to the particular desires, needs and agreements of the individuals
involved” (Davidson J. 2002).
Polyamory has its benefits. There can be shared child care duties.
Children can also benefit from more love. Love never hurt anyone and is nothing
but helpful to the growth of a child. The more love a child has the more that
child will love and grow from that. There can also be shared household duties.
Everyday cooking and cleaning can be shared among everyone in the relationship.
Same as working and making money. The more people are working, the more money
coming in. This can be a great benefit to any relationship or family.
One great issue that come from a polyamorous relations ship is the law.
Polyamory can be seen as bigamy. Bigamy is the act of marrying one person while
already being married to another. Bigamy is legally prohibited in most
countries were monogamy is culturally the only acceptable relationship.
There are some bigamy statutes that
are expansive enough to incorporate polyamorous relationships concerning
cohabitation, even if none of the parties claim marriage to more than one
partner.
There are things other than the law that may be hard to overcome. The
feeling of jealousy is a huge feeling that will most likely be felt in a
polyamorous relationship. “Jealousy was something we struggled with at first.
We were excited that we all loved each other, but it was easy to feel insecure.
If I saw them being super affectionate, I might worry, “Oh, no! They have all
these years of marriage together. There’s no way I can ever compete!” If he saw
us being affectionate, he might worry, “Oh, no! They have been best friends
since forever. They probably won’t even want me around!” If she saw us being
affectionate, she might say, “Oh, no! They are going to hit it off and decide
they don’t need me!” (Shore J 2012) All relationships have hardships. Being in
a polyamorous relationship is no different. Boundaries need to be set. There
needs to be communication between the parties involved. Mistakes will be made,
but as long as everyone is open and can work together, there is no reason the
relationship cannot work just like a “normal” monogamous relationship. “Compersion
is the flip side of jealousy, or the glee of seeing one’s lover falling in love
with someone else. Polys who experience compersion liken it to being happy that
their partner got a part in a local theater production or was chosen employee
of the month – it does not affect the person directly, but they are still happy
to see their partner happy and having good things happen, regardless of the
nature of those good things. If something brings joy to your partner, then it
makes you happy. Practiced polys act in compersive ways like vacating the large
bedroom for their partner to host a visiting lover, taking care of kids so
their partners can go on dates, and treating their paramours kindly” (Sheff E
2013)
With all the changes of what marriage is these days, if same sex
partners believe that they should be allowed to marry because it's a union
between people who love each other then why should it stop there? A marriage union
does not have to be between two, it can be between multiple people that feel
the same way. The United States of America is a nation based on the principle
of truth, justice, and the pursuit of happiness. No one has the right to tell a
mentally capable and consenting adult who he or she can or cannot marry. We as
a nation need to stop sticking our noses where they don't belong and let people
be happy and themselves. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew
19:19 English Standard Version).
Davidson J. WORKING WITH POLYAMOROUS CLIENTS IN THE CLINICAL SETTING, Electronic
Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume
5, 2002 http://www.ejhs.org/volume5/polyoutline.html
Shore J. Sometimes It Takes Three to
Tango 2012
Sheff, E. "Jealousy and Compersion
with Multiple Partners – How polys deal with jealousy and feel happy when their
lover loves someone else". Psychology Today. 2013 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201312/jealousy-and-compersion-multiple-partners-1
Copyright © 2017 Kate Stap
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